I just finished reading this book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I want to resume it, and to do so, I wrote this list of each important point Mr. Carnegie discuss in the book. The first time I ear about that book, I was skeptical. The title could seem selfish and pompous, but it is nothing like this. This book is about out to be more human and a good citizen; it is about being nice with people and how to work with them.
- Do not criticize. “Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a man’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment.” – Dale Carnegies. Related quotes: Criticism
- Give honest, sincere appreciation. “Dr. Dewey says the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’”. Related quotes: Compliments
- Get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle. The thing here is to give to your interlocutor what he wants, and not what you, you want. Related quotes: Desire and Others’ view point
- Become genuinely interested in other people. Related quotes: Interest
- Remember names. “Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.
- Be a good listener. “Encourage others to talk about themselves”. Related quotes: listen
- Make the other person feel important. “And do it sincerely”
This is the most important points he talk about in his book. However he added other sections that goes in that trend.
Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- Show respect for the other man’s opinions
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- Begin in a friendly way
- Get the other person sating “yes, yes” immediately
- Let the other man do a great deal of the talking
- Let the other man feed that the idea is his
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- Appeal to the nobler motives
- Dramatize you ideas
- Throw down a challenge
Nine ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Let the other man save his face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in you approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Are you interested in that book? Then I would suggest you to buy one of the first edition. I got a 1937 one on Alibris (make an advance search with edition books from 1935 to 1940). That book is near a century old, it smells the old and it was a real please to read.