How to Win Friends and Influence People: A list in 28 points

I just finished reading this book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I want to resume it, and to do so, I wrote this list of each important point Mr. Carnegie discuss in the book. The first time I ear about that book, I was skeptical. The title could seem selfish and pompous, but it is nothing like this. This book is about out to be more human and a good citizen; it is about being nice with people and how to work with them.

  1. Do not criticize. “Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a man’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment.” – Dale Carnegies. Related quotes: Criticism
  2. Give honest, sincere appreciation. “Dr. Dewey says the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’”. Related quotes: Compliments
  3. Get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle. The thing here is to give to your interlocutor what he wants, and not what you, you want. Related quotes: Desire and Others’ view point
  4. Become genuinely interested in other people. Related quotes: Interest
  5. Smile.
  6. Remember names. “Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.
  7. Be a good listener. “Encourage others to talk about themselves”. Related quotes: listen
  8. Make the other person feel important. “And do it sincerely”

This is the most important points he talk about in his book. However he added other sections that goes in that trend.

Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
  2. Show respect for the other man’s opinions
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
  4. Begin in a friendly way
  5. Get the other person sating “yes, yes” immediately
  6. Let the other man do a great deal of the talking
  7. Let the other man feed that the idea is his
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives
  11. Dramatize you ideas
  12. Throw down a challenge

Nine ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
  3. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
  4. Let the other man save his face
  5. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in you approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  6. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
  7. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
  8. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Are you interested in that book? Then I would suggest you to buy one of the first edition. I got a 1937 one on Alibris (make an advance search with edition books from 1935 to 1940). That book is near a century old, it smells the old and it was a real please to read.

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18 Responses to “How to Win Friends and Influence People: A list in 28 points”


  1. 1 Fortrel Aug 8th, 2005 at 4:23 pm

    I read the book 4-5 years ago and it’s probably one of the few that have the power of changing your life. It did change mine. Don’t let the title confuse you: it’s not about winning friends, it’s about being a better person.

  2. 2 Fred Aug 10th, 2005 at 11:21 am

    Hello Alex,

    Exactly. But really, the title of that book is really not attractive, even suspicious ;)

    Salutations,

    Fred

  3. 3 Jack Vinson Aug 14th, 2005 at 11:08 pm

    Aren’t there nine items in the first grouping? “Arouse in the other person an eager want” usually shows up after showing sincere appreciation.

  4. 4 Fred Aug 15th, 2005 at 2:22 pm

    Hi Mr. Vinson,

    It is possible. For the first list, I wrote them as I read them. For the other lists, I took the list at the end of each sections. Or I have done an error for the first list, or it changed in the latest version (do not forget that I have a 1937 edition).

    Thank,

    Salutations,

    Fred

  5. 5 Kondwani Pwerepwere Mar 7th, 2007 at 1:13 am

    I have just started reading the book and have already found it most insipring and educative.. I like it very much, it is an important tool for building good personal relationships both at work and home.

    Best Regards

    Kondwani

  6. 6 George Dec 20th, 2007 at 9:34 pm

    One of few books most would call life changing. I do but have always been put off by the title and did not read. Its the kind of book you carry with you and read when time/events permit. Displaying the title was really bothering me so I covered it.

    George M.

  7. 7 Dale Apr 23rd, 2008 at 4:56 am

    I don’t know why people say they don’t like the title? It’s a fact that a books title is it’s most powerful selling point. And since this book is still selling very strongly after 60 years, just mean that the title and content is still spot on today. Thanks for your post.

  8. 8 Dave S Jan 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    Hands down the best book I have ever read! I highly recommend it!

  9. 9 Anthony Sep 16th, 2009 at 2:05 am

    I am a soldier who spent a year and a half in Afghanistan. When I came back my family told me that I was different. This was not because of getting shot at or dealing with the death that comes with combat; although that does change people and I will not deny that it changed me.

    About two months before I was on the plain ride home I was sitting in line to call home, not to talk to family but to sell some stock. As I sat there thinking this is what they mean when they say time is money because I was losing money every minute I spent in line. Then I noticed Dale’s book. That book now has a permanent place on my book shelf, yes I took the book. It has change my life in ways that I only realize when I stop and think about things I have done.

    This book should be mandatory reading for business majors. And, yes, I too believe that there is a problem with the name, but this book is not for everyone and the ones that can see the value in the title are probably the only ones that would take anything away from it.

  10. 10 Fred Sep 18th, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    Hi Anthony!

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Getting another comment on this 4 years old blog post tell me that I probably have to reread that book!

    Thanks for passing by and thanks for what you tried to achieve in Afghanistan.

    Take care,

    Fred

  11. 11 Bo Apr 5th, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Just wanted to let you know that my ninth graders in my English classes read either How to Win Friends and Influence People, or How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I believe both are powerful for students today.

  12. 12 The book is great Jun 16th, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Hello all i would like to say something about the book.
    The book is very great and really i can not stop reading it.I has changed my life and i hope it will change other aslo.

    i also will recommeedn ather great books which similar this book. Ir CALLE think and grow rich.

  13. 13 BK Oct 1st, 2010 at 12:02 am

    I have read/ listened to this book so many times in both English and in my native language. My dad used to read an excerpt from the book to me since I was about 10, and discuss about it. I am now in my late 30, and still every time when I read this book again, I always find some new things to learn. I love this book.

  14. 14 Katy Oct 17th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    I’d like to buy the first edition book from 1936-
    Do you know where I can purchase it?

  15. 15 Ola Dec 26th, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    I read this book in my teens(I can’t remember the year precisely). At 40, its still the best non scriptural book I ever read. It changed my life and the priciples discussed in the book and adopted into my daily relationship with people has never failed me. I’d recommend it for all people; old and young.

  16. 16 mariel jane abellana Sep 21st, 2011 at 5:41 am

    where can I buy this book ??, is the book still exist ??

  17. 17 Frederick Giasson Sep 21st, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Hi Mariel,

    You can easily get it on Amazon.com. Many different versions exists. This is a classic so it should be easy to find on the internet.

    Thanks for your interest in this post!

    Take care,

    Fred

  18. 18 Sandro Bellagio Jun 12th, 2013 at 11:30 am

    yes it is written in an American drawl with outdated anecdotes, but the principles are as sound today as they were then – the style is worth a study in itself. Should be a school text book !

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