What to do?
A story about sexual aggression
Last night I was in a bar and saw one of my old thaiboxe student. She was really excited and wanted to talk to me.
There is the conversation:
“Heee Fred! How are you? I need to tell you a thing that I’m really pride of!”
“Fine thanks! Explain me this thing then.”
“Some weeks ago I was in a bar with some girl friends. We enjoyed our evening until a guy come talk to me. He was really mannerless and impolite. I said to him to leave me alone all the evening but he didn’t ear anything. He always come back to talk to me.”
“Yeah, a persevering lad you got there”
“Yeah too to my taste. At the end of the nigh he finally grabbed me by the arm and get me out of the bar.”
“Hummm, after?”
“I was beginning to fear the guy. On the spot I didn’t know what to do.”
“Yeah, it’s sure that it always surprising for the first time”
“When we arrive on the street he finally grabbed my breast and tried to bring down my pants. The thing is that he never had the time to do it. During this short space of time, I saw three of his friends bring closer to us. I saw that I was in troubles. Then I instinctively reminded what you learnt me in your courses; I bent my legs; I brought my body closer to his, then I unbent my legs and stoke under his nose with my palm. Automatically he release me, got his nose with his two hands and his eyes was filled with tears. Then I ran for my life.”
“Yeah girl! I’m really proud of you! You done everything well, it’s exactly what you had to do!”
“Yeah I’m really proud of me too! Some days after I feared to be in public but I rapidly go through it.”
“Imagine if you let him rape you? You would probably have many more aftermaths.”
… Etc…
I was effectively proud of her. It’s exactly what she had to do. First, there was a lad that caused problems. He was persistent. She was aware of him. She knows that he can cause some troubles.
At the end of the night he grabbed her, she known that she was in trouble but was first stupefied by the action of the lad. Eventually she insight that she was been raped. Then she reacted to the situation. The only valuable action that she can do to try to overtake the flow of events was to strike, and strike hard, his rapist. It’s exactly what she done. After, she hadn’t to continue to strike him. She had to strike and run. She hadn’t to strike him again and again, otherwise there were possibilities to fallback in troubles. The only purpose to attack the rapist is to have a chance to run and get help. She done it by the book and handled perfectly the situation. She struck him hard, and run to get help.
It was essential that she try to get out of this situation by any means and not let her be raped by fear to be hurt. It’s a question of psychology. If she does everything that she can to get her out of this type of situation, she’ll know it and be pride of his reaction toward the events. If she does everything in his power, she’ll be able to go through the aftermath more easily.
There I’ll talk to girls. Please, if you lived this type of situation, do exactly what she done. Try, by all your powers, to get out of situation. You need to seem aware, rude and ready to fight. Rapists like many other stalkers don’t search combative preys; they search for docile and weak ones. If you don’t fit the pattern, they search at another place. If this doesn’t work and he continues then, strike and strike really hard. The goal of striking isn’t to kill him, it’s just to take him down for some second, the time to run for your life. You need to strike to destabilise him. What she do was excellent because by striking the nose his eyes will automatically be filled with tears, it’s a natural reaction of the body. He’ll lose visibility and be out for a moment, and then you have the time to run. Other interesting place to strike is in the testicle. Depending of your situation it can be with one of your knee or by squeezing them with your hands, etc. You can also poke his eyes; strike the Adam apple on his throat with your forearm, etc. If you are in a bar, you can always use a bear bottle to strike, it’s always effective and it will bring the attention to you. Finally, do what you can in the situation you are, but please, do a thing!
If you are interesting in the subject and wish to learn more about self-defence, psychology of criminals, awareness tricks and mindset, there is a huge literature on the subject. I point you out some interesting introduction works that are not expensive and easy to read: Dead or Alive by Geoff Thompson, Defensive Living by Edd Lovette and Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
Take care.